I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We need to get me chipped asap
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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