My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize