My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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