on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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