We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This is the high leading the old right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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