I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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