fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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