I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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