She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize