You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
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