If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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