I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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