life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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