Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize