Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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