the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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