i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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