my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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