i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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