That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize