he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize