I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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