Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize