I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize