this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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