based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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