So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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