i permit you to call me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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