Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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