The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize