I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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