Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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