i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
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This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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