Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize