Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize