Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I intend to get homeless drunk
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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