Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The air taste purple.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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