Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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