Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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