Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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