i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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