i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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