Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize