Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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