when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize