dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize