I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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