I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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