Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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