i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my liver is dry heaving
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize